Mind

Reach you hands inside
What are they trying to find?
An opening, open enough

Slide your nails inside
My mind where I'm trying
To lie.

Run my fingers
Through your hair
Will I find the answers there?

Star shaped mystery
Fall. Unwind.
Lost in a forgotten
Memory of time
When you and I 
Fell in line


Run your eyes
Around the room
There'll be nothing 
Left here soon

A hairs breadth
The line is fine
Tomorrow doesn't exsist
So if you don't
I don't
Mind

Housework

The grass is worn away
Where laughing children play
My hair is pulled right back
And rolled sleeves show no slack
Washing goes from grey to white
As the sky goes from grey to bright
The vacuum growls as the mop squeaks
And like my moaning back the floor creaks
Dishes rinsed, wiped and in a line they shine
Now the rest of this sunny day is mine

Bus Stop (for Kath)

Waiting at a cold bus stop
Wondering when the rain will stop
Chewing thoughts just like gum
Not just waiting for the bus to come

Cigarette in hand, but no light
Got a lot of energy but no fight
Thinking I need someone to talk to
Hoping that someone will be you

I'd walk across the city bare feet
As long as I had a decent beat
I'd make it to where you are
Without wheels, or a car

Coz that's how determined I am
Always doing for you whatever I can
I don't know if you're waiting
Or even if you've anticipation

It's been a long week without you
When I say I miss you, I truly do
I wish it was as simple as in dreams
But apon closer look it's never as it seems

But sooner or later, I hope you'll come home
You must know that in my heart you belong

Static

Static, static
It's in my brain
Flickering, switching
On and off

Static, a flashing
Crackling there and gone
My mind in pieces
My mind is blown

I see you clearly
Then you're gone
Memories, conversation, name
No longer known

The sound, the sight
The feelings all at once
One moment you're alive
Next minute body dead

Like someone's tripped the power
And you lost 8-10 hours
You wake up like you're beaten
You'll be battered and bruised
Exhaustion make it hard breathe
And all you do is sleep

Coming back around is new
You have no idea what to do
People ask you questions
And you don't know what is true.


This is a piece about how it feels to have epilepsy.

Rain. Down.

I hear the soft spring rain fall
Bathing the plants
In a gentle rehydration
From the days scalding heat

It leaves footprints on my window
And paw prints on my floor
I hear it dripping from the eaves
It rains, it doesn't always pour

Tiny droplets formed up high
Rhythmically falling from the sky
Like the sound of beating drum
First splash heard, here they come

Raining down impartially
Falling on you as much as me
Clinging to leaves in trees
Filling up over-flowing seas

Running down your jaw line
Dampening corners of your mind
Puddles grow awakening mud
In gutters little streams like blood

Falling through the teeth of a grate
Coming back together in a messier state
Flowing down to where, who knows?
Below the surface, many rivers flow

The Noose (2010)

Can't stop crying, laying
Making myself bleed
I got to bed zoned
Just to make myself sleep

I relentlessly attack my face
With words to slice through
Thoughts that make me angry
Thoughts of lies from you

Forever? More like never
And certainties are sure
To certainly never happen
Just like they did before

I wanted to believe it
I willed it to be true
But what a hopeless fool I am
To believe it could come from you!

I watched your ways of life
Ways to pass it by
Things you did to forget things
How did I miss inevitable lie?

You said you never wronged me
But this is not the truth
Yes, I chose to put my head in
But you Sir, made the noose.

Song Needing Sung

Ah! Can't sleep with that noise
Plus many quiet thoughts 'bout boys
String two lines together, it's begun
This is the only way this song gets sung

Stuff inside my mind trying to escape
Some of it's partly broken down too late
It seems like it'll be stuck there always
Who says that crime doesn't pay?

It just uses a slightly different currency
You ain't even started to see what I see
I've been rhyming for a while now
Yet I still ain't learned how to give it wow

Lifes what it needs, your beating drum
It needs a voice, song needing sung
Your eyes skip a line down this page
My heart skips a beat as I engage

The noise inside my walls and brain
The sound that drives me more sane
Sane is far from where you are
I have travelled wide and far

Only in my dreams you know
For that is where real travellers go
It doesn't cost you this planets coin
Not even a members club to join

You can't get told, can't get sent
You'll always know when you've been and went
I feel sleep washing over it seems
It's time to swim in my sea of dreams

Translation (2010)

Let it brew like a good cup of tea
Now, what shall I write about you and me
I've been sitting a while, thinking it through
Words aren't enough, they simply won't do!

It's so much more than subject and verb
So much more than a 2 paragraph blurb
So much time wasted reaching for the sky
I was born to live earth bound, why even try?

Letters form words, your tongue forms the noise
My brain understands it and processes your voice
It tells me what you told me, the words you said
The meaning, definition, but not necessarily what you meant


Yet then a moment occurs which devalues the rest
It causes a drum beat to resound deep in my chest
It happens a thousand times, yet I wish the number to rise
It happens when your eyes gaze into mine


Pausing a moment, sure the world pauses too
It feels like you feed me everything I needed and knew
It tells so much more than the sound of letters do

So give me a moment, I know we'll find time
Sitting here in this moment, clock beating our rhyme
I'll put my finger to your lips, you'll not narrate
But through your own magic, I'll hear all you never spake.

Scape Goat

Pour out your rage on me
Let it be released and free
Allow it to expose me
Permit it to freezing cold me

It's like fire, let it burn
All those things you wished I learn
Curling your fingers in a tight fist
Grabbing me tightly by my wrist

Wrap your fingers around my throat
Hear my gasps as I begin to choke
Empty words, lifeless threats
Way beyond that it gets

To a point where I'm released
Not so far as to say deceased
But did it work?
Did it bleed you out?

Did it save you from your pain?
Or do you need it again and again?
I'll be your beat bag, your pig skin
I'd rather it was me with head caved in

The din in your head is nothing
Compared with mine
One day, one day I'll hit you
Back over that line

News (2010)

No matter how much I crave your honesty
There's terrible fear when you 'need to talk to me'
It runs through my mind
"Oh what will he say?"
Are you going to tell me to get away?
Will you tell me to frequent less often


Something about her?
Something about family?
Something about rules?
Something for you and me?

I can't figure it out!
I'm going to sleep
It's all too much,
I'm in too deep.


Now, now, no more thinking tonight
Please just let me turn out the light
It's been a hard week for us
So a little rest is a must
Tomorrow will tell your serious news
Perhaps tomorrow my ears will refuse

Colour Me Red (2010)

The tears we cried
The lies we lied
Are nothing compared to this

Walking away
Forming the truth
These words choke me

How can it be more simple
To black out the story
Than to fill this with colour

Colour me Red, for I burn
My rage wants to contest this
Yet I am more helpless than I have ever been!

Colour me Red, for I bleed
The life drips from me slowly
Yet I am more alive than I have ever been!

Colour me Red, for my passion
My emotions take over
Yet I am in control more than I have ever been.

So darling, as your brush dips
As that last note flips
Colour me Red! Colour me RED!
I am here! I will not leave!
Colour me red.

If Things Were Different (2005)

Standing here making coffee.
Can't believe I'm only making one
If you were here
I would be making two
One for me, one for you.

But you're not here
So I suppose it doesn't matter
I suppose you're just making your own.

It's kinda maddening
To sit and think 
That you could be here.
If things were different.

If things were different
Would I know you at all?
Would I miss you as much as I do?
Would any of this be relevant?
Or would I be nothing to you?

Does this time spend apart
Change us inside?
Does it make us value time more?
When I see you
Would I be as excited?
Would your love for me be as sure?

Questions, all questions
I wish the answers were mine
But don't ask anyone these questions
You just might not like what you find.

If things were different
I might be holding you now
But looking the opposite way
If things weren't tough and difficult
I just might not know you today

So keeping what I have
And trying to be somewhat content
Even though it's not always perfect
I'm glad I went the way I went.

A True Love (2005)

Don't wanna hear you say
"I love you"
Don't wanna hear you say you care
Don't wanna know your lies no more
If you loved me
You would be here


Don't wanna see through your lies now
Don't wanna hear them all again
If all that you told me was true now
Then why do I feel so betrayed?

You told me that love was forever
You told me we'd be til the end
You said we'd always be together
But I feel like we're not even friends


My heart is so battered and beaten
I don't know how to stand anymore
You left me alone and in bruises
Lying here dead on the floor.

How could you be so cruel?
How could you forget your heart?
Why did one I loved so
Leave me so torn apart?



I threw all I had into this
And you threw it back in my face
Most minutes of every day now
I feel you'll be hard to replace


Someone however, keeps talking
Whispering in the back of my head
That no matter how much you're shot down
A true love is never dead.

Protect You (2006)

I'll stand in front of you
I'll take the force of the blow
I'll protect you.















A heart's been broken
A tears been stolen
The fear still remains
Scared it will happen again








If I was her
Or she was me
Then how completely
Different this would be

But I am different 
And I can see
How you and I fit 
Ever so perfectly.


To me you are gold
You are precious
I'd be the greatest fool
To ever let you go.


It's real enough
For you to be scared
But just let me hold you
And I'll show you how I feel

I'll keep no secrets from you
Tell you no lies,
That that way there's nothing
To turn into a bad surprise

If I'm just with you
And you're just with me
Then together and happy
We can always be

If I was a flower

If I was a flower
And you were the tree
If I look up at you
I know you're shading me

On a winters day I'm cold
Wishing you'd give me sun
And in summers burning peak
The heat you can't outrun

I lay there basking in the still cool
As the sap sweats from your skin
Did I complain all this time?
When a lick of sun
Was all that I wished for?
Thinking too far for myself
Oh selfish flower sin!

You are stronger than me
Catching the heavy snow
And gathering animals all round
Useless really is all I am
I house not a single insect
A pretty petal, been and gone

The Worst of Me (2007)

I won't beg you
I won't try to explain
You'll only think
I'm making excuses
And talking to me,
Would be useless.

The more I talk
The less you hear
And suddenly it's as if
I'm not even there.

So the less I say
The better it be
I'll just sit here
And let you think
The worst of me.

That way I can't disappoint
Surely I don't want
To let you down,
So no excuses
No back-peddling

I'll just sit in
The middle of the road
That way if you chose
To run me down,
I first gave you chance
To go around.

Here I am
Alone in guilt
Coz the more I talk
The less you'll see

So I'll just sit here
And let you think
The worst of me.

Ever Again (2006)

When you climb back into bed
And the pool of tears on the pillow
Has gone cold as an iron kiss
You can't let your face rest on it
Quite the same way
As when you were weeping.

When someone removes your heart
From the safety of your breast
Holds it carefully in a warm palm
Then as you watch the stroking fingers
They change into claws so sharp
Every moment removing a slither of your soul.

What would you do?
If someone opened you to your most vulnerable state?
And after they had you as weak as you could be
Tear ever emotion from the depths of your being.

Would you ever let it happen again?
Could you ever feel as weak as that?
I found the slices of my shattered heart
Lying strewn and scattered on the floor
I gathered them slowly, clutching them to myself
I took a metal box placing the pieces inside gently.

I turned a key in the lock,
Then threw the key inside
Slammed the lid until it clicked
After this, I put this box inside me,
Where my heart used to be.
So now you see my dearest friend
The only way to unlock my heart
Is to be inside my heart already.

Brokenhearted (2009)

It was a place you didn't want to be
It was a side of me you didn't need to see
Everybody lies and there's stories
People walk more easily from day to day
Doing what they want with more ease

So you left for a breath I couldn't give
So that misery didn't have to be a way to live
Everybody cries and there's no gain
Hiding at night thinking there's a way
To find all they need without pain

So take me to the place when you go
So I can feel the things that you know
Everybody dies and there's no way
To get yourself around it or escape
Easier to accept and just pay

Take me away to that place for a break
I'll give it all, just you continue to take
So why do I cling like a crazy child?
Why do I behave when my heart is wild?

It was a crime I shouldn't even behold
It was a sight to even stutter the bold
Everybody tries for the best one
Hurting other just to get their own way
But can the moon ever catch the sun?

Everybody lies and there's stories
Telling me over again that it's true
Everybody cries for so much pain
But I'd still rather be with you
Everybody tries for a loved one
But broken hearted seems to suit you

Watch Your Step (2001)

Martyr, martyr
Forever after
How long does
A tormented soul bleed?

Darkest crimes
Horror and fighting
When is the end of these times?

Breaking, broken
It matters no more
To those who lay in the grave
Trembling afraid
Those who are well!
Why don't they give it away?

Something forever
Something that's real!
Not something earthly
And ever so useless


Open your mouths
Scream innocent's name!
You who are living
You crying shame!


Do the dead abhor you?
For being so weak?!
You are the only voice left
Let's hear you speak!


Innocence is calling
The guilty pass by
Soon you'll be screaming her name
And you won't know why


There is a something
That you must achieve
Live it, breathe and scream it
It's truth to believe


Take it or leave it
It will catch you soon
Don't walk eyes downward
Or you'll fall to your doom

Grace

For this moment
I want you to feel
Totally drowned 
By the horror
That is your sin.

Then I want you
To feel completely
Over-whelmed
And utterly awed
By the wonder
That is the Grace.

This is the grace
That saves you
From a burning eternity.

The grace that gives
Up something so dear
As an only Son
So that you may have
An escape.

Don't you feel struck?!?
That He would do that
FOR YOU?!?
All I can do
Is sit with a lump
Lingering in my throat.

And I can only
Think one thing
I must do something
To repay this
Eternal debt.

Right? Choice?

My thoughts are scattered
My mind is shattered
After all that, I'm not sure it mattered

I worked so hard to gain nothing
Was nothing for what I was searching?
Trying to change myself into something

Is nothing my destiny, is it my design?
For if it is now let me resign!
If that is the request I'm not complying

It's not that I've been ordered about
It's just that I chose the wrong route
It's lead to trouble, permanent pout

So it's time for a change, don't they say?
What if change gets in the way?
And what if I don't get the final say?

No harm in trying? I'm not so sure
Looks like plenty time in ones gone before
Trying results in a measure of failure

But to not give it a shot, foolish it is!
For certain no attempt any target would miss!
In fact somewhere I have a list....

Does this sound reason and logic
Make it any easier for my brain tick?
Does the right choice become simpler to pick?

No negative on that - 
There's always confusion
Deliberation, indecision, illusion.

Fool

Her face is swollen
Like she's been crying for days
She knows that it's wrong
In so many ways

Why does it seem
That it's hardest to do right?
When we're faced with a choice
That's the feeling we fight

How could I love you,
Yet wrong you so much
Now my pretence
Ends up destroying our trust

Oh how foolish I am!
To not have listened at first
To be obedient then
Would save pain at it's worst

But all I can do
Is each every day
Beg pardon for sin
And try to walk the right way

Loopy

In a loop for eternity
What I give to you
You give back to me
Reciprocal in a way
I've never felt before

What I see I want to stay
Follow me around
From here to there again
You are for my feet the ground
I was escaping,
You are liberating!

It's not something you said
It's not something you did
But your eyes corner me
Truth pours like ad lib

It's like what's inside me
You harness and draw out
Whether it's poison to save me
Or imagination to re-create me
You've got a hand in it, no doubt

My Prayer

Waiting by a window,

Calling out your name

You answer me always

If I cry in joy or shame.

You are secure to hold me

I trust no one else for this

You give me a deep peace

Your love is truly bliss.

I long to share what you give

With everyone I meet,

But constantly resistance

To freedom do I greet.

People just love their chains

Their comfortable bed of nails

Reluctant to try a freeing way
They cling to dead end rails.

O Lord, please open their eyes

To see what you showed me

That worldly ways lead to pain

But it is You who sets us free.

Choice. Preferance.

Sunlight is burning in my eyes
And I hear you say "All right"
Waiting for that moment
Neither wants to come
Generating sound
Like a timeless beating drum

Fighting what we want
Fighting what is right
Saying hello in the morning
Saying goodbye at night.
"I have already decided."
"Please undecide for me"
Slowly, simply, elegantly
We become the casualties

I can't unhear the voice track
You left in my mind
And every time you go
There's something left behind
It waits til evening to show me
Then it whispers quietly
From the other side of the room
Oh so silently.

When you've gone
I certainly don't fear
But sometimes when you're close
I feel as though I will tear.

My tiny pieces, fragments
Smashing against the rocks
To find something good
Is to be faced with it's loss.

I watch your fading footsteps
As the grass recovers
I hear your tune inside me
As what I buried discovers

Afraid again I wait now
For the anticipated crash
But then I remember
When you told me
Not to say
How long would this last.

Security

I am safe in God, so to Him I run.
I said to the Lord "You are the only one.
Compared to you, I've nothing good
You really are indeed my Lord."
Those running after false gods cry,
You won't hear me their names sigh
I won't lift their traditions up
For the Lord's given generous cup.
I know He's taking care of me
Given thought to every need.
I have much which is pleasant, and more
And eternal life in heaven is sure!
Knowing what waits gives me joy!
I sing, dance, raise my voice
To praise my Lord, who guides me
Leads me in my heart inside me
The Lord is in front of me constantly
And at my right hand, who can take me?
So my is heart glad, tongue filled with glee
And at night my body sleeps peacefully
Your Holy One did not dead stay
But rose, keeping me from that grave.
You've shown me the path of life.
You fill me with joy in Your presence
With eternal pleasures at Your right hand.


Inspired by Psalm 16

Pins and Needles

Pins and needles.
Prick and poke me
I am a cushion
Of the full of holes kind
Useful, but disposable.

I lost control of one thing
And regained something instead
A recollection of a memory
That I long thought was dead.

I blurred the lines
And lost the focus
The smell of this ink,
Keeping me totalled.

As the stranger sits and waits
Knowing one day he'll find me.
I sit silently, hiding
Right out here, in the open air.

I grasp my stick
And ready my inspiration
I'm taking this as far
As it needs to be taken.

If I leave it here, you'll be fine
You'll figure out how to blur the lines.
You don't need me waiting in the wings
Sitting here silently.
Waiting for your pins.
And needles, drops of blood
I'll watch as my hands
Drop your heart with a thud.

Lonely Tide (Second Place)

The lonely tide is rising
Chances of flying are slim
The blackness closing in
Behind me comes that terrible din.

You wait until that moment
When you think your words are right
Find them empty, falling
Lonely, useless in the night.

Pictures in my mind
Translate to words on my page
Is it allowable for me
To use this pen to free rage?

There's a hurt, a stab, a sting.
Curious what we allow in...

SunRise. SunSet.

I hope you didn't miss me
If you did, then next time kiss me.
Don't want to be away too long
Don't want time lost and gone

Your smile simply warms your face
Suddenly butterflies start a race
They erupt from my throat
Camouflaged as laughter
Heat in my face
Slowly rising then faster

I feel your smile warm on my face
As your butterflies join in the chase
Once you smile the day is brighter
It's as if the very sun were lighter

I feel weightless, floating through
Finding gentle buoyancy in you
I hope I can help you float too
All that you do, I will return to you

So when I am gone,
Don't miss me too much
Keep with the memories, music and such
You know that I will see you again soon
Maybe this evening you'll brighten the moon. 

Calling It

In a book I write words meaningless.
Rolling along like a limp fish.
Painful. Wandering. Always meandering.
Wondering about far too many things.
So you wandered in, looking on
With a light in your eyes.

I'm calling it. I'm calling it y'all.
Inside me is florescence
A colour so bright
But wasted in mind games
It's never truly alight.

So I'm calling it. Calling it now.
This is not where I'm headed
And you're all about now.
True also neither of us need it
But you're still looking, wondering how,

So there, I called it. 

Jingle Bells

I remember when it used to be just me
Sitting beneath the Christmas tree
The room dark but the lights shining
The phone would ring,
My pulse race, my heart sing
But I don't care for calls no more
It's not you I avoid
It's everyone.

The lies, the stories, the drama queens
I've had so much nonsense
I want my ears to be cleaned.

It's not what I'm doing, nor my opinion
Gossip is where it's at this millennium
I'm tired, yet I barely sleep
I got to bed, and just weep and weep

I want out, I want out now!
I don't care what, when or how!
So painful to wait for the undefined
Time drags on when minutes are mine.

I've had enough of living with all you
Your hurtful words, dirty looks too
Sick of the sleaze and the slime
Sick of you thinking, "If you were mine"

I don't want you, don't want you!
There is none that will do.
I'm sure I'll settle for less as I wear thin
Hopefully before then eternal sleep sets in.

Target

I can't stop now, it's begun
Walk too slow, begin to run!
It's an embrace to warm
A part of my inner desire
Your face downcast, forlorn
But when you gaze this way, FIRE!
It's like you're a target for me
Drawing me in, setting this free
My cross hairs narrow
As I sharpen my arrows
The point will pierce deep parts
We will find heat and hearts
To put all of me into this
Something I just wouldn't miss
So worn, so torn but not lost
I'm giving all, I'm giving most
You need the heat
And the challenge is reached
Up to the highest heights
Too many lefts to know the rights
So I threw myself over the edge
Knowing I needn't finish
Cause you know the rest...

See Sea

It's rushing over me like a wave
Taking hold, taking place
The sand underneath my feet
In dreams sand is more neat
Feel it rolling in like the tide
Your hand in mine side by side
Watch the sun on the horizon
Watch you, your eyes on
Fire, burns lighting the sky
You take the breath out of my
Lungs, are clear with fresh breath
And there's always some left.
Turn your face upwards
As the sand rolls us backwards
In our minds all is possible
And is totally achievable
So here we stand, cold, cold sand
Wet toes, goosebumps rose
I am so glad I know what I know. 

Outside

With my back towards the sun
I walk, then I run
Step towards the starting line
Run towards the end of time
Nothing is the way it seems
It is like the way of dreams
I'm going to a place you've never seen
And when I've gone
You won't even know I've been
It's time now to go where I will
To a place where clouds stand still
I've always had a way with you
The way you smile, things you do
It's too late now to starting backing out
It's erased every thought of doubt
I can't walk away
So I run towards
I've got to go to where you are
I've heard it isn't very far
To the place where dreams are free
To a place where I am me.
You are you, clean and pure
It seems to others so obscure
But I know now what I know
And I believe it's time to go.

Over-Whelmed

So much sound in my head!
It comes from who knows where
A piece from you, some from me
And suddenly it's all where it's meant to be...

You come close to me, I feel it
It slides off my pencil like dreams
Is everything just as it seems?

So many thoughts on my mind
And we inspire them together exploring
I take some and leave the rest
Choosing out the finest of the best.

And you come close to me, I see it
The sound becomes more beautiful
Can this only be imaginable?

So many heart beats in one day
Twice the amount from being alone
Myself is alive when I'm nearby you
Seems just too good to be true.

And you are close to me now
The whole picture fills my mind
I'm over-whelmed at the thought of it
But I can't wait to soak up every bit.

Chocolate

Chocolate is good when it's messy
When I eat it, I get it all over me!
It melts on my fingers as well as my tongue
I have to lick all my fingers when I am done
I like the feeling of it on my lips
The feeling of a chocolate kiss.
It lingers just around my teeth
But mostly in my stomach beneath
I always seem to crave a little more
Once the wrapper has been torn
I break it in rows, dissecting slowly
Scoop out the centre, enjoying totally
The sensation is a kind of bliss.
Have you experienced a chocolate kiss?
All kinds of flavours I would pick
Then so many fingers I'd have to lick!
And as I scribbled this line of prose,
I think somehow it got on my nose
I'm also tragic for dropping it in bed
You see chocolate just goes to my head
Just you wait and you will see,
Why chocolate is good for you and me
I'll give you some, sometime to try
And together we'll take off and fly
To a place where chocolate fills our mouths
And washes away all trace of doubt.